Day Six

Have you ever been on a blind date?

I thought about this for a bit, and no, I don’t really think I have. I’ve already known any one that I’ve been on a date with, before I went on a date with them. That whole idea of a blind date kind of freaks me out, especially in the adult world because you have absolutely no idea who that person is, where they came from, and what they do.

**UPDATE ON ME**

Today I’m in quite a bit more pain. Yesterday only my right bottom socket was the one bothering me, but now my bottom left and top sockets are starting to hurt pretty bad too. I’ve been taking 2 Hyrdocodon every time I can, and I’m really surprised that I’m actually up right now. It would make me feel really good if my followers left stuff in my ask, questions, get well soon, whatever you want. Love you guys!

Ask box ~

Day Five

Do you believe in love at first site?

Truthfully, I really don’t. I believe in lust a first site, but not love. To love someone takes getting to know them, being around them, and discovering how you and the other person interact together. If love at first site was possible, a lot of us would probably be in love with serial killers, rapists, or maniacs. You see someone, think they’re attractive, and then sometimes you find out that they aren’t the kind of person you want to be associated with. That’s why I don’t think love at first site is possible.

Days Three & Four

How important is it for you to be in a relationship?

When I am single, being in a relationship is probably one of the least of my worries. A lot of people think they need someone else to be happy, but you really don’t. I’m perfectly content with being out of a relationship. Sometimes it helps me discover things about myself that I didn’t know while I was involved with someone. It gives me some breathing time to do what I want, when I want, without having to worry about a significant other. When I’m single I just go with the flow, and I don’t jump right on in to another relationship. I think being single is actually good for you sometimes.

Describe the perfect date.

In case you didn’t know this, I am a HUGE baseball fan. Being at the ballpark brings me extreme happiness, and I really don’t know why. My perfect date would be going to the ballpark to see the Rangers play against the Yankees with a boy that I really, really like. Sitting in the stands, kissing, hugging, cheering, watching the fireworks at the end of the game. Lucky for me, it happened at the beginning of this summer.

Day Two

Who was your first love?

This is easy - My mother and father. When you are born you already know the voices of your mom and dad. You only feel safe when in their arms until you are able to grasp the fact that there are other important people in your life, family, friends, teachers, etc. When you are born you already have a type of unconditional love that never really leaves you, no matter what happens in your relationships with them. Everyone’s first love is their parents, not some boy or girl they met in school, and I think a lot of people don’t think about that when they answer this question.

Day One

Have you ever been in love? What was it like? If you haven’t, what do you think it’s like.

Even though I am 2 months shy of 16, I believe that I have been in love once, or maybe even twice -

If you’re wondering why I put “maybe even twice,” it’s because during my seventh grade year of school I met a boy named Michael. I added him on Myspace at some point, going through my “I want to be famous on Myspace” phase. One day while I was at Corrie’s house I believe I sent him a message (or he sent me one, I’m not really sure), which resulted in us texting and becoming closer and closer as the weeks went by. Of course this being my seventh grade year and me being extremely socially awkward and not so attractive, I was beyond excited when he started showing interest in me, especially since he was a sophomore in high school. We hung out once or twice (not really sure how many times), and then one night when he was walking home from Gaylen’s, a friend of his who lived down the street from me, he told me to come outside. While we were out there we had our first kiss (my first kiss), which I was really hoping for, but at the same time he informed me that he had just begun a relationship with a girl named Heather. We didn’t talk for a couple months, but after they broke up he began texting me again. The timing was unfortunate though because I had been dating a guy named Ethan for almost 2 months, but even though I was with Ethan, I decided to meet Mikey at the library. As soon as I saw him all of my feelings rushed back and I ended up kissing him that night, cheating on Ethan and leaving me feeling like a complete bitch. Ethan and I broke up about a week later, leaving me completely focused on Mikey. He could get me to do pretty much anything to see him, and he was all I cared about. It was actually quite unhealthy to be so obsessed with a boy, but I couldn’t help it. Something about the way he made me feel made me want to be everything he wanted me to be, no matter what the circumstances. I think we had a fling for about 6 months. I don’t remember why it ended, but I do remember the months following. I was a complete wreck. I didn’t want to eat, sleep, or talk to anyone, and I would almost always be crying. I never wanted to be involved with a boy again. I saw him not too long ago at Warped Tour, he was standing right next to me, but I didn’t feel a thing but.. angst? I wanted to say something so bad, “hey Mikey,” anything, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I was afraid of what he might say or not say, or how he would react. Was I in love with him? I really don’t know.

Then there is Tyler, my current boyfriend of 23 months (two years on August 7th). I know I’m in love with this boy because there is not one thing that we can’t make it through. We can always solve our issues no matter what they may be, and that’s the most important part of a relationship, as well as trust. He’s had his trust issues and I’ve had mine. He has complete trust in me (or at least that’s the way he makes it seem), and I have most of my trust problems fixed, as we’ve been through episodes that have deteriorated my trust for him. On top of the most important things, the way he makes me feel is so amazing, I truthfully cannot give it complete credit in the words I’m about to write. As soon as I see him, everything is better and I don’t have a care in the world. He rings my doorbell, I open the door, and we’re automatically at each other’s lips and smiling because we’ve missed each other so much over the 4 consecutive days he has to work each week. We can do anything and be completely happy and content with it, even if we’re just sitting in my kitchen playing games on my phone or just talking. When I’m around him I get the feeling of being safe, being completely immune to whatever bad is thrown my way. I get this feeling of warmth and comfort and love and silliness that I only experience when he’s around. He takes me as I am, whether it be sick, first thing in the morning, cranky, upset, crying, and he tries to make it better or makes me feel like the most beautiful girl on the planet. If I’m sad about something he’ll crawl on top of me and kiss me, kiss me a million times on the cheek or lips, or just simply squeeze my hand until I’m okay again. He wants nothing for me but happiness, and he makes it completely obvious. Of course, we have our issues like every couple, it’s not just all of this lovey dovey stuff that I’m listing, but that’s completely normal and we wouldn’t be us if we didn’t. Every issue, day, week, year, and moments apart make us stronger. We have made it through things that most couples don’t put up with, and I think that’s what most people don’t understand. You have to be willing to give and take if you truly love the person. You have to be understanding and thoughtful of their wishes and ideas. You have to cut each other some slack sometimes. I’m truly lucky to have found Tyler, and even if we don’t grow up to get married and have babies like we want to, he’s still changed my outlook on guys forever. I now know that it is possible to find a great guy and that not all of them are complete assholes, you just have to wait for them to come to you.

This was super long, and If you read all of it then you’re amazing. You will be able to find the posts to go along with the 30 day challenge that I’m doing in my personal section or with my confessions.

CONFESSION #52

I really want to have sex right now.

Ty and I looked at a porn blog before he left and then we had sexy make out time on his car and then he went byebye.

AND NOW I HEAR SOMETHING AGAINST THE SCREEN ON MY WINDOW FOR THE FUCKING SECOND TIME TONIGHT. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

CONFESSION #51

I think boners are the sexiest thing ever.

When I see one or feel one I’m just like “hnngnngsngnnggngnnskj”

CONFESSION #50

I don’t give a shit about the majority of the people that I used to, and it feels kind of awesome.

Who needs shitty friends, anyways?

CONFESSION #49

I’m about to leave for counseling. I don’t want to go to this lady anymore because she talks to my parents whenever I have incidents, and now I don’t really trust her..

CONFESSION #48

I am always craving something - right now, for example, I’m really craving french fries.

CONFESSION #47

I record myself singing and then play it back to see if I’m any good. I can never come to a decision.

Jake says I’m good, and back in elementary school when I’d do the talent shows and the play people would always compliment me on it.

I just don’t believe them, and I’m too scared to post videos of me singing on youtube because I don’t want to get made fun of if I suck.

CONFESSION #46

I am deleting my Facebook in about an hour.

Oh, and my mom might put me in the hospital.

Confession #45

I’m about to try to run for an hour, and then I’m going to go through my clothes. I need to get rid of a lot of shit.

I think I’m about to reorganize my whole room.

CONFESSION #44

It has only been 3 days since I’ve seen your handsome face, but I miss you more then I ever have. I miss the warm of your hugs, the heartbeat coming from your chest, and your lips against mine. I miss your voice, your laugh, and the words “I love you” coming from your mouth. I miss how you pull me down on top of you when I try to run away and hold me as tight as you can. I wish you were here with me right now.

It has almost been two years, but they have flown by. You have made me happier then anyone else has ever made me. I can’t describe how much I love you.

CONFESSION #42

I’m going to find some way to make my hip and collar bones visible. I want to be very, very tiny, very, very fast.

I’m not too sure how I’m going to do it yet, but i’m determined.